Love to watch, but don’t expect me to bite

Modesto Bee - Modesto, CA, USA - I've been a fan of "Iron Chef America" for about a year and a half. I've caught up with some of the older episodes in reruns and savor every new battle the Food Network airs.

So I was tickled to learn that Doctors Medical Center Foundation plans an "Iron Chef"-style competition fund-raiser at Modesto Centre Plaza in April. What a great idea.

I'm such a devotee of the cable TV show that when the Food Network aired a competition over the summer looking for "The Next Iron Chef," I was all a-twitter, rooting from the couch for my favorite -- the chef who eventually won the spot, Michael Symon.

Why I'm such a fan is a bit of a mystery, though. I can't cook my way out of a Chinese food takeout carton. I have little concept of about half the ingredients used, three-quarters of the techniques employed or the fancy culinary words spouted.

Mirepoix? What the heck? Pretty uppity word for celery, onions and carrots in a skillet with some butter.

On top of all that, the secret ingredients every week, the one food item in each episode that the chefs must use in all five of their dishes as they compete against one another, are quite often things that I would never -- oh, never ever -- put near my mouth, let alone into it.

Maybe they're things you'd fine yummy, but not this picky eater with a woefully low tolerance for the nonordinary.

I realize I'm an anomaly when it comes to what I'm willing to consume. I just might be the only person of Italian-Portuguese heritage in the Western world, for instance, who will run screaming from most any type of seafood.